Find Your Fire | Wisconsin Boudoir | Duende Boudoir

I talk a lot about how a boudoir session isn't just a boudoir session if it's done right. How it can really change you if you open up to the experience and let yourself be vulnerable for me.

I talk a lot of what might seem like 'fluff' to some people.

But the truth is that it's just that...true. 

This is Holly. And these are her words. 

"All people have their story, whether it’s full of rainbows and butterflies, or tears and dark, sleepless nights. How they choose to write the next chapter in that book is up to them. I was one of those individuals whose story is filled with a lot of dark and stormy nights. I have been through a lot of trials and tribulations in my 33 years of life that utterly crumbled me and knocked me to my knees. For many years, I chose to bottle the hurt and emotions to formulate a person I no longer knew when looking in the mirror. Battling weight issues, eating disorders, and verbal abuse for years forever changed who I was. I looked in the mirror to see someone who was ugly, fat (regardless of the number on the scale), not good enough, scarred, and a shell of her former self; essentially an empty body. I was extremely unhappy and kept thinking “there has to be more to life than this.”  I decided the only way that I am going to defeat the battle I face in my own head, is stand up to it head on; forcing myself into a position that would typically break me. A boudoir session. 

The thought of being in lingerie in front of someone I never met was completely nerve racking.  I don’t like being in a swimsuit, let alone lingerie. When it comes to bed time wear, I am a gym shorts and tank top kind of girl! Nothing sexy, nothing fancy, nothing to make me feel beautiful and something that blankets my skin. Security….safety. That was my go to.  I wouldn’t have to worry about the dimples or cellulite showing that I thought haunted my body.

The day finally came for my boudoir session. I was nervous, but locked it deep down inside. I forged forward telling myself that this was for ME and ME alone. As I reached the location and shut my car off, I took a deep breath to calm myself. It was then Paige met me, for the first time, outside with open arms. I felt like I knew her for years and this instantly calmed my nerves. She felt like the friend I haven’t seen in years and we picked up right where we left off. As I began my transformation into a boudoir babe, I couldn’t help but see the beauty that was lying beneath the negative exterior that I had painted on myself. I smiled.  This couldn’t be real.

As the photo session began and progressed, I started to feel the fire that I had been longing for for so many years. The fire I once had that had been covered from years of debris, negative comments, and harsh thoughts. At that point, I had completely let go. I was ME for the first time in years.  When the session was done, it felt like a dream come true. I waited in anticipation to see the final product. 

The day had come… to see the final product. As we were scrolling through the pictures that I had deemed impossible to be me, it occurred to me; the one thought I NEVER thought I’d say. I am a beautiful person…inside and out. For some this is a simple statement. For me, it was life changing. The boudoir session that I had set out to do to break me out of my comfort zone, to flood myself with positivity, in hopes of breathing life into the person I once was, had happened successfully. What this did for me, no one can put a price on it. I never felt more beautiful, empowered, and most importantly, at home in my skin in 20+ years. A thank you could never be sufficient enough gratitude for what this has done to me, mentally and physically.  Something so simple as a boudoir session completely wiped away years of personal opinions of myself. I feel as though I am a brand new person who can look in the mirror and say “I AM pretty, I am NOT fat, and I AM good enough.” 

Thank you for the bottom of my heart. Thank you for helping me find that fire again. And thank you for breathing life back into me."

Thank you Holly for coming into my life and sharing your soul with me. Until next time babe! 

 

A Part of Me | Omaha Boudoir | Duende Boudoir

I think artists are always just trying to create things that will give their lives worth. Things that will be there long after they are gone. Things that live forever, or at least for as long as anyone cares to look at them. 

I create for all of those reasons.

I create because if I don't I literally feel like life is pointless. 

I also create because I have so many fucking feelings inside of me that need to get out. 

So in a way it's my therapy. 

If you know an artist and you think their work is awesome PLEASE TELL THEM. Like their photos, comment on their work, buy their things, tell your friends.

Being an artist can be so terrible sometimes. You put your soul into something, put it out there and...crickets. Suddenly a flood of feelings hits you like a wall. Does everyone hate it? Does it suck? I suck. I'm horrible. I should quit. No one cares. If no one sees my work or likes my work does it even exist? Do I even exist? What is the point of living? 

I can't be the only artist that goes through this.

I know rationally that my worth isn't determined by likes and comments. I KNOW this. I know that the social media algorithm is not in my favor and a whole slew of other things can effect how many people even see my images. But when you are an artist that has reclusive tendencies and putting your work 'out there' on the web is the equivalent of going to a party and no one says "hi" it fucking sucks because that's what happens at the real life party too. So it can seem like you're failing at everything. And that is a dangerous place to be in for sensitive souls. 

BUT. Sometimes we create something that is so in alignment with our feelings and emotions and psyches that it doesn't fucking matter what anyone else thinks. You want to share it with the world and you do not care if people 'like' it because YOU do and you just want everyone to see a part of you.

And that is this session here. 

I've been going through a lot of stuff lately. I'm not going to hide it or pretend I'm okay and that everything is hunky-dorey. There are way too many people out there acting like everything is fine when there is a fire going on inside of them and I really don't want to add to that list and help fan the flames of the stigma around mental health. So anyways... I had this session coming up and it was supposed to be nice and light boudoir-y but I just could not do that. I was feeling too dark. Some stuff had just happened that really (I hate to say this word but it's so true in this sense) triggered a lot of things I've stuffed way deep down for far too long, things that I thought I was over but clearly am not. 

So I talked to my model Lola a bit about it. And from the minute I met her I just knew she got it. She truly understood what I was feeling. 

And then we made art. 

Thank you for helping me express some of the pain I've been feeling. Thank you for being an emoter and an artist and a muse. Thank you for giving me something that I'm proud to have live forever long after I'm gone. 

All of the leather pieces are made by AudioHelkuik. I was so impressed with the quality and the amazing human who makes these pieces that I ordered one (the first of many!) for myself. 

Lingerie Lovers Unite! | Nashville Boudoir | Duende Boudoir

I used to think that I was a pervert because I loved lingerie so much. I didn't really think that liking lingerie was sinful in itself but having a straight-up love affair with corsets and panties and balconette bras seemed somehow...wrong. No one else I knew gave a shit about 'underthings' past the point of going to the Victoria's Secret at the mall a few times a year to buy underwear on sale with the word PINK plastered on the back. Obviously something was wrong with ME.

So I sort of kept my obsession a secret. I'd scour the Goodwill's  and the thrifts stores for vintage garter belts and itty bitty bustiers that I, a 14 year old, really had no use in buying. I remember being ashamed at the check out counter, trying desperately to hide my newest score, a green velvet bra, in the middle of a pile of sweaters and jeans, all the while praying that the lady ringing me up didn't give me 'that look.' 

I eventually got older (as you do) and grew some lingerie balls. I also discovered the wonderful, anonymous world of online shopping! Ebay, and later Etsy, took a lot of my money (and still does). 

My tastes have changed as well. I now lust after and splurge on designer lingerie as well as independent brands because the quality, construction, and design are just so much more well-executed than your average JCPenny bra/panty set. And talk about unique! But I'm not a snob either. I still scour the thrift stores for vintage girdle panties, bullet bras and 80's Victoria's Secret finds. 

One of my main labors of love is the Duende Boudoir Lingerie Closet. It's where my passion has turned into something beneficial. I have SO MANY options for you to choose from to wear at your boudoir photo shoot with me in a wide variety of sizes and styles. I get stuff so frequently that I have a hard time posting it all up on there for people to look at! I have things that people could only dream of wearing, such as a Catherine D'lish gown (I have FOUR so far) or an Agent Provocateur corset. Or discontinued Made by Niki. These items are out of most people's price range, considered an unnecessary extravagance (you can love lingerie but think it's crazy to spend $700 on a robe and still want to wear one for a shoot!), but when you come to me you can truly experience luxury lingerie for a day. 

I recently discovered a private Facebook group dedicated to Lingerie Addicts and I feel like for the first time I found MY PEOPLE. 

And one of those people is Melissa (@theheiresslingerie on Instagram)!

Melissa currently lives in Nashville and we have similar lingerie tastes. We both love Bordelle and Agent Provocateur and the store Baby Likes to Pony so I thought it only natural that we team up for a photo shoot. She kept insisting that she isn't a model. I kept insisting that didn't matter. She brought her favorite pieces, I added a green Corsettery corset and my black lace D'lish gown and we made magic! We didn't have enough time to capture the Bordelle set she owns which haunts me to this day (both not having the images or owning that set!) but oh well, there's always next time and vigilant searches on Ebay!

Here's what she had to say about the experience-

"The shoot was even more fun than I thought it would be. I've obviously never modeled nor am I a model but having someone say things like, "Yes fierce goddess!" to me was just awesome. I'm a little different in that I wear lingerie that's slightly...aspirational. I have very specific tastes and they're usually a bit expensive so every piece I own is like a little piece of jewelry to me. Meeting Paige through lingerie and then getting to live my 'fancy rich lady model' fantasy, if only for a few hours, was so joyful."

It was a joy for me as well, smooshing three things I love together- lingerie, nature, and making a woman feel amazing!

 

To book your own shoot- CLICK THIS

Light and Dark | Nashville Boudoir | Duende Boudoir

We all contain multitudes, we are made up of light, dark, and 50 shades of gray. 

What a wonderous thing that is, this multifaceted life!

UNLESS...you want to book a boudoir shoot with me and have to decide between my dreamy, airy work AND my sultry, moody stuff. OMG how do you EVEN CHOOSE?!

Well, NEWSFLASH, you don't have to decide! Do them BOTH! 

The style and type of shoot you do, or the VIBE as I like to call it when I talk to you about your dream photo shoot, is completely up to you. It's whatever you dream about, whatever you love, it's make yourself into ART time! 

There are so many different, very personal reasons why women book boudoir experiences and your reason, your WHY, will most likely factor into your style and your vibe. 

For example-

If you have been feeling frumpy and dumpy and like you've just lost your damn mojo you might want to go for a more powerful, badass sex goddess vibe to help you harness and MANIFEST that shit back into your life. 

If you've always dreamed of having a gorgeous, magical fairy tale photo shoot with the wardrobe and the sunshine and all the 'fixins' you're probably (most definitely) going to want to go with a more ethereal vibe. 

If you just want to capture you as you are (but the best possible version, you know the one who has cute underwear on and just lounges effortlessly cool-girl style around the house) then you're going to want to go for a more lifestyle vibe for your shoot. 

These are just some options, but really the whole world is open to you as far as ideas go. You want to do a shoot in Vegas? Cool, I'm on a plane! You want to do a shoot in a shower, awesome I love it! You want to do a photo shoot wearing latex, riding a horse in the desert? That might be kinda hot but I'll bring a spray bottle! 

I'm all about making your boudoir dreams a reality. 

Sometimes you can't decide between two styles (this happens A LOT. Like basically every client.) and that's OKAY! It's totally fine if you want to be a princess but you also, in the same afternoon, want to get pictures of yourself grabbing your ass like it's nobody's business (because it's hot. It's really, really hot). 

All it takes is a few tweaks to make the transition. Change the wardrobe. Maybe change the location, maybe not. Change the lip color and mess up the hair a bit more. Change the posing. CHANGE THE ATTITUDE. (Change the playlist!) 

Easy Peasy!

Here's a shoot I recently did in Nashville where we started with more of a fairytale vibe, then switched to a gorgeous, powerful vibe second and rounded the whole shebang up with a few minutes rolling around in the water! 

You really can have the best of both worlds people! 

Good luck choosing which images to put up on the wall though! (Or don't choose and get a whole collage!)

Wardrobe- Duende Boudoir Lingerie Closet AND corsets by Corsettery

To book your own light and dark shoot- CLICK THIS